Mornings at my house: two teens, one grumbling about exams, the other sulking about a stolen burger. My instinct? A lecture. Instead, I channel Dr. John Gottman. His decades of research revealed a universal truth: thriving relationships need five positive interactions for every negative one. Fall below 5:1? Disaster looms. So, I offer a muffin, ask about the chemistry test, Promise to be there for the next football match, plan a movie night and a girls day out. Five positives deployed. Crisis averted.
At work, 5:1 can be the magic answer to the dreaded question: “We know inclusion matters, but what do we actually do?”
Every microaggression a dismissed idea, a biased assumption, an exclusionary comment is a Gottman -1. It erodes trust and belonging, like slamming a door at home. Damage control isn’t enough. We need an inclusion surplus: five deliberate +1s for every -1. This shifts us from reactive defence to proactive culture-building. Address the negative? Absolutely. But the real healing comes from flooding the zone with positives.
How 5:1 Works at Work
Scenario 1: The Hiring Head-Scratcher (-1) “We don’t get qualified female candidates!” (Translation: Biases are showing.) The +5 Reset:
- Revise Job Descriptions: Ditch “ninja/rockstar.” Use neutral language, highlight flexibility.
- Diverse Interview Panels: Mandate varied perspectives. Train on structured interviews.
- Build Pipelines: Partner with organisations and institutions supporting underrepresented talent.
- Showcase Role Models: Feature diverse employees (with consent!) in recruitment.
- Track Data: Audit sourcing and drop-off points. Fix leaks systematically.
Scenario 2: The Meeting Muddle (-1) Tanya’s idea is ignored; Pratik repackages it and gets an applause. (Soul-crushing “Hepeat.”) The +5 Reset:
- Set Inclusive Norms: Rotate speaking order. Ban interruptions. Mandate equal airtime.
- Amplify Marginalized Voices: “Great point, Pratik, building on Tanya’s idea about X. Tanya, can you expand?”
- Give Credit where its due: “Thanks, Alok. As Tanya originally said…”
- Attribute Ideas in Notes: Circulate clear summaries fast. Follow up with quiet contributors.
- Solicit Feedback: End with: “How inclusive was this? How can we improve?”
Scenario 3: The Promotion Puzzle (-1) A high performing high potential employee (e.g., a single mom) is passed over for vague “culture fit” or “executive presence” reasons; a less experienced man advances. The +5 Pathway:
- Demystify Criteria: Publish clear, objective promotion requirements (skills, competencies, results).
- Diverse Calibration Panels: Audit decisions for bias. Challenge “potential” excuses.
- Assign High-Visibility Work: Proactively offer stretch projects to underrepresented talent.
- Formal Sponsorship: Leaders must champion diverse talent for roles, not just mentor.
- Actionable Feedback: Give specific, development-focused guidance long before promotion cycles.
Making the 5:1 Magic Happen
- See the -1s: Train teams to recognize microaggressions and exclusion. Awareness is step one.
- Fix the Leak: Address the negatives directly yet kindly. The +5 doesn’t replace accountability.
- Be Consistent: Intentional, daily +1s rebuild trust. One-off efforts are glitter on mud.
- Measure Belonging: Track survey scores, promotion rates, retention. Data reveals the truth.
- Everyone’s Job: Especially majority allies – contribute your +5s daily.
- Progress > Perfection: Awkward tries are okay. Learn, adapt, and keep counting.
The Inclusion Surplus
Gottman taught us relationships thrive on positive momentum. Workplaces are no different. The 5:1 ratio moves inclusion from aspiration to daily action. By relentlessly generating five positives for every negative, we build reservoirs of trust and belonging. We create spaces where diverse talent isn’t just hired, but nurtured, heard, and advanced.
Stop plugging leaks. Start building your surplus. Your next +1 starts now.